No.412

THE QUIET LIFE: 

Zappy Briggs used to live his life at 120mph. Sold-out arena tours. Platinum albums. Tin after tin of fancy export lager. Private jets. Nose clams. Staying up past 11pm on a school night. His pick of any young lovely that happened to catch his eye. Starbars for breakfast every day. Afternoon tea with Steven Segal. Trashing hotel rooms. Leaving the toilet seat up.

Now? Not so much. After an unfortunate incident involving an ice luge, a bottle of cough syrup, a pigeon and angle grinder, Zappy Briggs née Malcolm Ford retired to the countryside to live the quiet life.

Alright, raising chickens and fetching kindling might not be as exciting as writing-off sports cars and red carpet premieres, but at least he's not at risk of cardiac arrest any more... until his neighbour puts plastic in the paper recycling again that is.