Mr. Normal:

This chap – looks pretty normal, doesn’t he? A dime-a-dozen chap who enjoys taking the kids to the park on Saturdays and thumbing through The Guardian’s culture section on a Sunday. A textbook steak-and-ale pie, salt and vinegar crisps, pint of Heineken, cheddar cheese type-of bloke. The human equivalent of a Ford Focus.

But beneath this quotidian façade lies a deeply-disturbing persona, the likes of which should leave upstanding citizens such as yourselves clutching your pearls.

For when the rest of the world is sleeping soundly, Mr. Normal is wide awake, lurking in the shadows of his dingy cellar, his contorted, rabid face illuminated only by the garish glow of LED screen, virtually arguing with other likeminded sickos about the correct toe box geometry and sole thickness of old European comfort shoes.

The horror… the horror!

Mr. Normal wears is 6ft 1” and wears…

Tretorn Light Padded Shell Jacket – large

Barbour Zip Bomber – large

Filson Flannel Shirt – large

Adsum Bank Pant – large

Anonymous ism Oi Polloi Sport Socks

Mephisto Oi Polloi Rainbow – size 9