Since the days of nomadic hunter-gather societies and primitive animal-hide clobber, human beings have always sought out new clothing innovations. One-armed tactician FitzRoy James Henry Somerset invented raglan sleeves to make his stiff military garb more comfortable back in the 19th century, and in the modern age, people like Engineered Garments have pushed the boundaries of what’s possible in terms of pocket arrangements and whatnot.
Stone Island have also pioneered their fair share of breakthroughs, but no unit of measurement will stretch to how far they’ve pushed the boat out this time… they’ve finally made a jacket that smells exactly like Aquafresh. And we’ve been asked to oversee the beta-testing.
This lucky lad has been selected from an applicant pool of thousands to try it out, and we’re pleased to report that after a week of wear, he stopped brushing his teeth, and just after two weeks he didn’t feel the need to bathe anymore.
However, the jacket only works so well off-torso, so whenever our specimen is in a well-heated pub or his mum’s house, he’s subjected to unrelenting, body-odour-based chiding from all those around him, but despite this, we’d still consider the experiment a rip-roaring success.
Our stinky lab rat is 6ft 4” and wears…
Stone Island Crinkle Reps Hooded Jacket – XL
Jackman Waffle Mid Neck Sweat – L
Engineered Garments Moleskin Trousers – 32
Clarks Trek High 50 – 11